Rise and shine, shit-stains.
Welcome to Berlin.
Yeah, it's great to be here.
Here's some tasks for you for today.
Okay. There better be some fucking easy ones. I need to eat!
I know. Those ones yesterday were fucking ridiculous.
"Berlin tasks. Number 1:
Go to a biergarten wearing lederhosen
and learn a traditional German dance.
25 euros.
That's not very hard.
Lederhosen? Are you fucking kidding me?
It's gonna be great.
Go to Tiergarten
and take a selfie with a nude sunbather."
What's that? Like a nude...
nude place? It's a park.
It's Berlin. It's a bit freaky.
Right on, Bubs! Oh, okay.
Let's see some boobs! That's not too bad.
Boobs are in the mix today!
What's next? I like where this is going.
Compete in the Berlin Marathon
in the in-line skating division."
Yeah, I don't care which one of you guys do this, either.
I need a name. I've got to get somebody registered.
Is this a joke? "Finish the race
to earn 1,000 euros,
or win the race and earn 10,000!"
10,000? 10,000?
Are you fucking kidding me?
Yeah, but boys, it's the fucking Berlin marathon.
We can't win it. Bubs, you might be able to.
You're one of the best skaters I've ever met.
Well, I'm pretty good, yeah, but I mean...
Look, Bubs, who do they call
the fucking Wayne Gretzky Jr., huh?
Well, me but that's on ice, Julian. You!
Come on, Bubs. You can do this, man.
Think about it. Why don't you do it?
I'm good at skating on ice, not on wheels.
You've got bigger muscles than me. Bubs, I've got this.
I'm not going to go on a fucking marathon with that.
Oh, 10,000 euros.
That's a lot of money.
Okay, I'll fucking do it, but...
Only if I'm wearing hockey gear.
That's the deal. All right.
Easy enough.
I'll get you registered up.
Now, let's go do this little dance,
get the little picture of the fucking naked chick,
and go get some food. And then I'll get you some hockey gear, okay?
You can do this, buddy! You can do it, man.
10 fucking grand! Think of the partying we can do tonight!
I woke up today in a pretty good mood,
thinking, "Hey, Bubbles, brand new day!
Get up and get at her!"
I'm not up two minutes, and I find out
I'm entered in the goddamn Berlin Marathon.
I couldn't go in the fucking Berlin Marathon
on the best of days,
let alone on a... empty stomach.
So we're going to have to do some of these easier tasks,
make some money and...
hopefully get something to eat.
Listen to my stomach, listen.
Boys, I'm fucking starving.
This is the longest I've been un-high since I was fucking 10!
Who gives a fuck about you getting high, man? Me!
We've got to get some food. I'm starving too, Ricky.
I don't care about you not having a drink then.
Well, do you see me whining about it?
This is the place, boys.
So what the fuck is this shit we've got to wear?
Lederhosen. We're not wearing leather shorts, man.
Leather shorts are fucking cool.
Freddie Mercury wore leather shorts.
Yeah, well, we're not gay, all right?
Freddie Mercury was cool. Look...
I'm not saying he wasn't cool.
- Ummm...
What are you, an alien? What's happening here, guys? English, English.
No, we, uh, don't speak German,
but we have, um... Give her the card.
this from Swearnet. Ah-h.
Swear-net.
Right there. Lederhosen? Mm-hmm.
OK, boys, I can't come to a fucking country
that doesn't speak English.
What the fuck is this all about? Well, we're in one now.
We're here, okay? Just fucking deal with it.
So...
einmal.
Thank you. Zweimal.
Dreimal.
Servus! Servus, yeah!
Bubs, that's not German. It's something.
I don't know how people from other countries understand each other.
None of the fucking words make sense.
Fuck off! And their clothes are fucked too.
Leather shorts and picnic table shirts? Suck my cock!
It says once you're in your lederhosen,
which we are... and looking awesome,
I might add. Bubs. We look fucked!
We look like dicks, Bubs.
I disagree. I think we look cool.
Where do we go?
We have to into biergarten
and learn a traditional German dance
and we get 25 euros.
We've got to dance?
We've got to learn a German dance, yeah.
I don't know how to fucking dance.
Well, that's why it's fucking called learning.
Let's just get it over with. I need to fucking eat
and hopefully find some German weed or hash.
This is the worst fucking time of my entire life.
I kind of do feel like Freddie Mercury in these things.
You look like a dick.
Well, I disagree.
This is cool, Ricky.
This is a real...
real beer garden here.
There's the dance floor.
A real German beer garden.
We can just eat here.
Let's just get this dancing bullshit over with.
How are we going to do this?
Well, we've got to get somebody to teach us,
so I don't know. Fuck's sakes...
Maybe if we go up to the dance floor,
somebody will... All right.
Hi there.
Hi. Hi. How you doing?
How does this go?
- Hi, guys.
Do you know the Chicken dance?
No, we don't know it.
Could you teach it to us?
I can teach you! All right, let's go.
All right! "Chicken Dance"?
Julian, get your chicken wings going.
I can't dance, man!
Get your chicken wings going!
I'm trying to get my chicken wings going.
Fucking Julian, acting like he can't dance.
Whatever!
One of the top ten dancers in Canada!
People always call him Patrick Swayze.
In reality, he's a lot more like fucking Travolta.
When "Staying Alive" was out and we were in junior high,
Julian used to do the front splits,
chug a drink, pop right back up
without even using his arms.
Do you want to... Do you want to do a...?
I'm not dancing with you, man.
There you go.
Julian's a pretty good dancer,
but for some reason, when he dances,
he gets a fucking erection, so he doesn't like to do it.
I don't if it's the way the fabric, you know, rubs up
against his shaft or his balls or what the fuck it is,
but it's weird. Ricky said what?
I get an erection when I'm dancing?
I don't get hard when I'm fucking dancing.
I just can't fucking dance!
All right! Thank you.
Very good! Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you very much. Very nice.
We just made 25 fucking dollars!
Let's get some fucking food, boys!
This trip is starting to drive me fucking nuts.
Fucking turkey dance. Fuck off!
Fuck, Ricky, that was actually pretty fun,
doing the Chicken Dance with real Germans.
It was, but holy fuck, those leather shorts made my ass sweaty.
You? Like thick fucking turkey gravy
cooking up down there. Yes, I heard.
Three blocks. We're leaving right now.
Let's go to a fucking greasy fucking fast food place right now
and get a shit-cock of food. No,
we've got to go meet Mayhue right now.
There's place called fucking White Trash.
They've got food there.
All right.
Let's get you some fuel
for this fucking marathon, buddy.
How are you feeling?
Well, I'm fucking nervous.
What do you think, Ricky?
I've never been in a marathon before.
How fucking hard is it going to be, Bubs?
"How hard is it going to be"?
Julian, it's professional athletes
that train all year to come in this thing,
and now all of a sudden I just come in, eh?
You're a good skater. Roller blades. Come on.
You just have to finish.
You don't got to fucking win, man.
Oh yeah, just finish a 42 km fucking marathon,
no big deal!
Boys, I'm so fucking hungry
I could eat the arse out of a dead skunk.
What's up, boys? We're here to get paid,
that's what's up. Paid?
Yeah. Let's go with some money.
Yeah, Gertrude sent me the fucking video.
The worst display of dancing ever,
If it were up to me,
I wouldn't pay them one euro.
Horrible fucking execution.
Tsk!
Ten for you. Right on.
Ten for you.
Five for you.
Nice job, Swayze.
Are you fucking kidding me? Five?
Five. Shit effort. I think that makes perfect sense.
- Me too. - I put a lot more effort
into my dancing than you did.
You didn't even try. I was fucking trying.
You were not. You didn't even get your...
I don't know how to fucking dance, I keep telling you that!
Oh, it was two moves!
See you boys back at the bus.
Go fuck yourself.
Let's order some fucking food right now.
I've got 10 to spend.
How are you?
Ummm... we don't talk...
Oh... um...
wir haben octopus burger da heute...
Burger? Did you say burger?
Ja, genau... Burger? Burger?
Yes, burger!
Uh, yes, yeah.
Do you have, uh, like, chicken...
chicken fingers? Chicken? Bwok, bwok, bwok?
She's probably saying,
"Do you want a sauce with that?"
I would assume. Yes.
Ja? Genau. Okay.
Rum and Coke? That's all I got.
What? No?
What? Yeah, just rum and Coke.
You can put it in that.
I don't suppose... don't suppose you have, like, hash
or weed? Uh...
Sounds like there's some over there.
Ja? Thank you.
Dankeshön. Thank you.
Boys, I can't fucking deal with the language.
I can't understand anything they're saying.
Well, you can assume that when she come up,
she said, "Can I take your order?"
And then I heard "burger" in there, so...
it's not that difficult.
Well, how does she understand us?
It doesn't even make sense.
That's right, it doesn't make sense.
She doesn't understand us.
I said "chicken fingers". She's like, "Yup!"
No, but Ricky, I went
"chicken"... "fingers".
I said "hash or weed"
and she was, like, "Yeah."
You went like that. She knows.
Symbols. They talk in symbols.
People that talk in symbols are fucked in the head.
Asking to get high should be understood
by every fucking person
on every fucking planet in every fucking spaces!
Holy fuck, boys, I wonder if it's going to be, like,
a, you know, like a hand-pressed patty.
Or if it's going to be... you know, I don't even care
if it's a frozen...
as long as it's a big dirty...
You're giving me a few bites.
Like fuck I am!
Bubs, I only had enough for a drink, man.
Are you going to let me starve? Well, you get a drink.
So that's what you spent your money on. Thank you.
You could have got some French fries.
Those look pretty good.
Und ein octopus burger.
Wah-h-h! Guten appetit.
What? What the fuck is that?
Nice burger there, Bubs.
Octopus burger?
That's a fucking real octopus!
It's so easy to understand what the fuck they're saying, huh?
Well, I heard her say "burger".
You fucked up, didn't you?
That's a whole octopus on there!
Oh, it is, too. Ricky, just...
Does it have a head? I'm too fucking hungry to order something else.
You're not going to eat that, are you?
I'm going to have to. Bubs, don't do it, man.
That's gross.
Come here, little buddy.
Fuck!
Jesus Christ!
Bubs, that's fucking disgusting, man!
How is it?
It's octopus-y.
God...
Pretty good, actually. Here, Julian.
Get that fucking thing away... You know what? I think, as my friend,
I should offer you half my food.
Get that fucking thing away from me. Come on.
Bubs, I swear to fuck.
Get it away from me.
Bubs!
I'm gonna take a couple of your fries, though.
No, you're not. Whoa-whoa-whoa- whoa-whoa-whoa.
You're not going to give me a chicken nugget?
I only have enough for me.
Just have a drink.
One drink, one nugget.
I'll have a drink.
No, no, no, no, no, no...
Well, I'm having a few more fries then.
Oh, my God, it feels good to eat, boys.
I thought I was going to fucking die!
...a little octopus in your drink there.
Fuck off. Did you?
Ughh!
I never had a octopus burger before,
but they're actually pretty fucking delicious.
Other than them, you know,
getting suctioned to your mouth every now and then.
But it filled me right up and...
I'm just going to let that digest before we go to the marathon.
In the meantime, I figure, you know,
make few bucks getting some pictures taken
with some naked ladies!
Is this the right place?
Well, it said go past the Bismarck statue,
and this is it. Okay.
There's some nude people right there.
Right on. Some boobs.
- Ladies... - No, no, no, no...
boys, those are all dudes.
Are you fucking kidding me?
This can't be the right place.
Oh, my fuck, it's a setup, boys.
It's a setup.
Oh, those motherfuckers!
I knew this was too good to be true.
Fuck this! I don't need to get high that bad.
Let's go. Just go over and take a picture.
Let's just go. It's 25 fucking bucks!
You don't have to even talk to them. We'll just...
Why do I got to take the picture?
I'm not taking a picture. Well, you do the talking.
You're good at talking to strippers.
Female strippers!
Well, it's no different. Just don't look at their wieners.
What do you mean, it's no fucking different?
They're dudes! Just try not to look at their wieners!
Just pretend we're in the fucking showers at jail.
For fuck's sakes...
This is fucking ridiculous. I know.
I just want to go home.
My God!
Ho-ly fuck, okay.
Say hi, Ricky.
Hey, guys. Nice day.
Just... is there any way we could get a picture?
Picture? Sure, yeah.
Snap it quickly here.
Okay... Oh, no need to get up.
Oh, my Jesus!
Uh-oh.
There you go.
Okay, guys... a little...
Yeah, no, we're in, we're in.
We're all in. This is good.
Over here. Ein, zwei, drei.
Schön...
Yes, thank you. Enjoy the day.
Thank you.
Did you get it?
Yeah. It's on there. It's on there.
Let's get the fuck out of here.
All right, Bubs, let's get you in this fucking race
so we can make some real money.
I'm not going in that fucking race without hockey gear.
Well, let's go find a rink.
I think Bubbles is being a bit of a pussy
for needing hockey gear to be in a fucking fruity little marathon.
But if that's what he needs, and that's what it's going to take
for me to get drunk and fucking high tonight, then no problem.
I can get some fucking hockey gear.
Julian, I don't know if you're aware of this,
but the cops in this country don't fuck around.
Bubs, we've got nothing to worry about, man.
I'm scared of the Nazis.
Bubs, you don't got to be afraid.
If anybody's going to get away with this,
it's going to be Ricky, man.
There's nobody even around. I know, but...
maybe I could just do it without gear...
No, I fucking need gear.
We're breaking into a... It doesn't even look like there's anybody in there,
for fuck's sakes! I know,
but we broke into the fucking place!
There could be silent alarms.
There could be German fucking silent alarms.
If anybody's going to pull this off, it's going to be Ricky.
Stop fucking... And what if they come?
He can't talk his way out of it
'cause he can't talk German.
Fuck off!
Is that him?
You fucking slut!
He's trapped.
Fuck my ass and tits! Ricky?
Let's get the fuck out of here, boys. A couple kids saw me.
Right on.
Bubs, how are you feeling, buddy?
How am I feeling, Ricky?
I'm fucking freaking out. Look at this place.
You look great, man. You look great.
I know but these are all professionals, and I'm not that good.
Bubs, you can do this, man.
Just keep thinking, 10 grand, okay?
Ten thousand bucks. You'll win this thing.
Look at these people.
Ricky, I'm not planning on winning.
You can do this, man. Bubs, you're a fast skater,
one of the fastest skaters I've ever played hockey with. You can do this.
Get out first, fast, okay? Just bee-line it,
right out of the gate, man. Just go as fast as you can.
And then hold your stick up... I don't think that's going to be my strategy.
Start using your stick like this so the people can't really pass you.
...let them go, and I ease into it.
And then I play catch-up. I think that's the... No.
You need to get a lead. Get a lead.
Get a lead right out of the gate. If I go, fucking...
It's 42 kilometres, Julian.
Yeah, no big deal. Just here at the fucking Berlin Marathon.
Somehow I got talked into doing this.
Very nervous. It's all professionals.
And I... At one point I had a stick.
I was going to use my stick, you know,
for balance and maybe...
give people a little, you know, jab here and there.
And the guy came and took my stick away from me.
So now I'm just...
just trying to keep it together.
This guy doesn't look very good.
I bet you I can beat him.
Get your fucking game face on, Bubbles,
get your game face on.
Where the fuck is he?
Bubbles!
Did he go by? Did we miss him?
Here he comes.
Yeah, he's way behind.
Bubbles! Bubbles!
Fuck! Oh...
Fuck... sticks...
Fuck, I'm down! I'm down!
Get on your fucking feet, man. Come on!
- Get up, man. - You're way behind!
You got this, Bubs! Ten grand! Come on!
- Come on, buddy! - You got this!
Fuck. Why don't you guys fucking have it?
So much for 10 grand.
Fuck's sakes.
At least we'll get a thousand.
All right. I've got to go deal with something.
I'll be back in about...
40 minutes or so. Where are you going?
I just...
I may or may not have stolen a wallet when I stole the hockey gear,
and I may or may not be going to find some weed to spend that money on.
Who knows? I don't know.
We may never know.
I mean, I guess I know, but nobody else does.
You're not leaving me here, man.
What...
I don't know what the fuck Ricky's up to,
but if I don't go with him,
he's going to end up in fucktown.
God damn it, Ricky!
Ricky!
Rick!
Yeah-h-h! What the fuck are you doing?
There's two cop vans across the street!
It's the perfect place to steal it, right out in the fucking open.
I love these old Volkswagens, man. They're easy.
Rick, you do know if we go to jail in this country,
we're never getting out? You do know that, right?
There we go.
Are you coming or are you staying here?
For fuck's sakes...
Do you know where the fuck you're going?
I'm going back to that place we saw on the way to the park
where you could smell all the fucking weed, and I'm getting something to smoke.
I need to smoke something. Jesus Christ.
You couldn't wait for a couple of fucking hours?
No. I waited fucking...
I haven't smoked anything since I left Canada, for fuck's sakes!
Well Rick, you didn't have to steal a fucking car, man!
We're going to have a thousand bucks soon.
You would have got all kinds, man.
Look at that fucking guy.
He's a fucking drug dealer for sure!
Just save some money for food.
Some of us haven't fucking eaten, Rick!
Smoke? Smoke?
You chose to eat rum.
Jesus Christ!
Well, save a bit of money.
Awesome, man. Yes!
Do you have any money left? Not right now.
Well, why didn't you just give him... Give him some back.
Fuck this.
I'm done.
Fuck this... no, I'm done.
Let me off the track.
That was fucking bullshit.
Bullshit! People cuttin' me off,
fucking dumping me left and right.
Look at that!
Blew the fucking rig right apart.
Down about 16 times.
I'm fucking...
I don't know, that's a lot more... crazy
than I thought it would be.
Professionals in there.
- What the fuck is... - Bubbles!
Boys!
What the fuck are you doing?
What? What are you doing?
I had to give up, boys.
People were fucking knocking me over.
I went down 16 times!
Look at that, Ricky.
All right. Get the fuck in the car.
You got to finish the fucking race, man!
We'll drive you to the finish line. They'll never know the fucking difference.
What? Get in, man!
Fuck!
Where's the finish line?
Just put it in drive and I'll tell you where to go.
It's up at the Brandenburg Gate.
Jesus, Ricky.
Smarten the fuck up.
There you go, buddy.
Don't blow it this time. We need that fucking money.
I want to get fucked up tonight in Berlin, okay?
I didn't fucking blow it, Ricky.
It's a lot harder than you think.
How much farther is the finish line?
It's only, like, a couple hundred yards, tops.
A hundred yards, man. Couple of hundred yards my arse.
Brandenburg Gate's at least that.
Well, just get through the gate, man. Just do what you can.
You got it, man. A thousand bucks, buddy!
All right. Meet me there, for fuck's sakes.
All right. Don't let us down, bud.
He's not going to make it, is he?
He's going to make it.
He better fucking make it.
Ricky and Julian just dumped me off
and tell me to get back in the fucking race,
so I guess that's what I'm going to do.
I've just got to sneak back onto the track.
Come on, Bubs, you can do this.
Please! I need to get drunk so fucking bad.
Oh, I think I see him.
Ahhh! Bubbles!
- Yeahhh!
Yeah, Bubs!
Bubbles! Whoo!
Boys! You did it, man!
I did it! Skated the whole race,
didn't cheat once! Right on, buddy!
Right on, man!
Oh, buddy. Awesome! We're getting drunk tonight, Bubs!
$1000! Whoo!
Let's go get fucked up! I did it! I did it.
Boys, I think I just made us a thousand bucks.
Fucking right, you did, man. A thousand!
That's going to change the trip a little bit.
Ten thousand would have been awesome, but you know...
Fuck... a thousand bucks is fucking good, man.
Are you seriously...? Well, I'm just saying, you know...
You're disappointed in me. Oh, no.
A thousand bucks is going to get us drunk tonight, man.
There we go. That's for you.
- All right, Bubbles! - Thank you!
Thank you.
Boys, look at that. Good job.
Congratulations, man. All right.
Berlin Marathon. Medallist.
Let's go get drunk now.
Even though I... only did about...
you know, maybe a kilometre of it,
I still feel like a winner, you know?
If you just keep at it, persevere,
it pays off, and you... you win things like that.
You know, nobody has to know
that Ricky and Julian drove me 40 kilometres.
I'm going to get so fucked up tonight in Berlin, boys!
I'm eating a big fucking steak, boys!
Yes... We're leaving here in two minutes.
What the fuck are you talking about? We've got a border crossing
and a ferry to catch. I don't fucking think so.
We're partying our fucking asses off in Berlin tonight. Oh, really?
We're getting fucking high and drunk and we're going to eat like kings!
And how are you going to do that?
1,025 fucking euros you owe us. Let's go! Yeah. Oh, really?
Here's 25 of it. That was real funny, eh?
Naked dudes! Who's got the invisible arms?
That's not a fucking selfie.
Well, one of the naked guys jumped up and he took the picture.
I wasn't about to fucking challenge him. It's not a selfie!
His wiener was flapping at me.
You're fucking paying... That's gone.
Oh, my fuck! Okay, then you owe us a thousand euro!
Or whatever the fuck they're called. Oh, really?
Yeah. A thousand euros? Yes. See this?
Look at that. Where did you buy that at?
I didn't buy that. I got that
when I crossed the finish line at the Berlin Marathon. Yeah.
Do you guys think I'm fucking stupid?
I saw you steal the fucking car.
Give me the dope. What dope?
You saw the fucking drug dealer. Give me the dope.
I'm getting fucking high. I haven't been high since I left Canada.
Fair's fair here. Come on.
We're leaving in 60 seconds.
What the fuck are you talking about?
60 seconds we're rolling. Okay...
That ain't gonna be on the bus.
He can roll a joint in 60 seconds.
He can roll it quicker than that.
Are you fucking everywhere, man?
Yeah. I'm up your ass all night and day.
This is fucking ridiculous! Come on, Ricky.
Do you need a hand table?
Hand table, Ricky. Okay, Bubs.
You can do it, Rick, you can do it, man.
You've done this many times, Ricky.
This is fucking bullshit! 40 seconds.
Just let him smoke his goddamn joint.
No problem. You've got it, Ricky.
Look at that. He's got it. Ohhhh.
look at you, you beautiful little lady.
- 15 seconds. - Oh, my God,
that's not going to be enough time.
If we get it lit before the time's up,
we get to smoke it. That's the deal.
Come on, Ricky. 15 seconds.
Get out the lighter, get out the lighter, man! You got it!
You got it! See that?
That's how that goes.
Ricky, shake the lighter. No, you didn't make it.
That's it.
Let's go.
You've got to be fucking kidding me, boys.
My lungs, they're not going to keep working
unless I get smoke in them.
Well, I've got to fucking eat!
This is worst fucking trip ever.
No shit! We're in hell, boys.
Yeah, and you brought us here.
Are you going to keep blaming this shit on me?
Huh?
You had to fucking cheat, didn't you? Yeah.
A thousand fucking euros!
Oh, my fuck!
You're blaming this on me, for cheating!
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck off! Fuck!...
Fuck off! Jesus Christ!
Fuck.
Fuck off.